Sasha's Episode Guide

Welcome to my little episode guide!

The order of the episodes corresponds to Tara 's GR Guide, the first and for a long time only guide on the face of the net. The exact order has still not been established, but this seems to me like a pretty good guess. A few words about the rating system:

	Evil on a stick. These are the ones I had to MAKE myself watch in order to create his guide. Bitter medicine.		The good stuff. A solid episode with the certain something, like having a drink with your friends at your favorite pub. You'll never regret it.
	Ouch. Warning - these make you wince on more than one occasion. Someone must have had a BAD day when he wrote this. Crash and burn.		Definitely upper class. Top Ten material. These are the ones you immediately want to watch again.
	It doesn't hurt when you watch. The flavor's there, but the ingredients aren't. Fast food.		The ranger equivalent of chocolate: If this doesn't make you addicted, nothing will.
	Cartoon standard. But hey, it's still RANGERS, and it fills an empty stomach any day. A warmed-up meal.		These are the ones that make your eyes water the umpteenth time you see them. No, I won't compare this to chili now... :-)
	Nice. Usually an enjoyable watch that wets your appetite. Like calling the pizza service, what you expect is what you get./td>		Psychocrypt. The one you simply cannot get enough of.. Simply marvelous.

Note that I am very picky when it comes to handing out stars. There are very few episodes with more than 3, as I keep these for special ones. If you're curious about what other fans think, I recommend visiting Jaimmie' s top ten episodes list. You can also cast your own vote there. All remarks made here are my very own personal opinion.

Phoenix
	Crown troops attack Kirwin just before the construction of the Andorian planet shield is finished, taking only the human workers with them. Meanwhile, the Foxx family, Waldo and Zozo, who are on their way to the planet, are kidnapped by the space pirate Captain Kidd. He is about to turn Aliza and her husband over to the Queen for a heavy bounty when the ambassadors bust them out. As the Queen double-crosses Kidd on payment, he is more than happy to assist them. The battle nevertheless ends with Zachary crippled (mostly offscreen) and Aliza being turned over to the Crown. The left side of Zach's body is exchanged for a set of bionics, and the Series 5 team is assembled to bring her back.	This one gets the cult bonus. Hey, it's the PILOT! :-) The episode does seem terribly rushed though. Apparently they had to squeeze the other Rangers in here somewhere, so they each get one braindead silly line at the end. Aw well...

New Frontier
	In this follow-up to "Phoenix", the Rangers seek out Captain Kidd to learn where Aliza was taken. He leads them to an asteroid field near Tortuna, where the Queen has her hidden base. There, they become witness to the real purpose behind the kidnappings: The Queen powers her obedient slaverlords through "psychocrystals", made from the souls of living beings, and humans have proven to be excellent material. The team manages to free the other prisoners, but Zachary still stands defeated - he can only take Aliza's empty body with him The crystal stays in the hands of his adversary. Back at BETA, a silent gathering is held as the catatonic Aliza is put into cryogenic sleep. Zachary makes a vow in front of his children that someday, he will bring her back.	Whatever the pilot lacks in terms of hands on action, space battles and sense of pace, this one makes up for it. A first glimpse at a quality episode. Nice direction and a much better choice of BG music. And Zozo crying at the sight of Aliza's comatose body leaves a much greater impact behind than all the guns and smoke.

Tortuna
	The rangers, disguised as Zanguil traders, go to Tortuna City where the grouchy Geezee has gotten hold of one of the Queen's memory birds. This baby contains lots of valuable data. Too bad that a second bird is around, and he's got no brain whatsoever. It turns out that Geezee not only trades in poultry, but has also been smuggling Gherkins out of the city to protect them from the psychocrypt. The team gets the wrong bird in the end, but manages to take the refugees safely back to BETA.	"Tortuna" is, more or less, an elaborate answer to many of the questions posed in "New Frontier". It also introduces Tortuna city, bubblehead and, most of all, Geezee, our favorite pedulant.

Chained
	Goose has to escort the imprisoned criminal MaCross to Earth for trial. When he damages the ship in hyperspace, the two crashland on Ozark, at the outer rim of the empty quarter with MaCross' gang in hot pursuit. Their boss has hidden a valuable loot of starstones on this particular planet. Goose lets his heartbreaker charm lose on one of the settlers, Annie, and since her people don't exactly approve of technology, it's up to the two to stop the outlaws.	Has its moments, but as soon as the space quakers show up, turns into utter cliché. Things to look out for: A first hint that Goose is a genetic construct and a very clever ship design for the new Ranger fighter. And Annie's awry fashion sense. Yuck.

Smuggler's Gauntlet

Senator Garth is ready to bite Walsh's head off as the supertrooper juice is stolen (which is not a rare occasion throughout the series - you get kind of used to it constantly missing). The Queen is eager to get her hands on it to create a small mutant army all for herself. Another shadowy figure, called "the overboss" (how creative), is also willing to pay a hefty sum. The rangers decide to kill two birds with one stone, steal it from the Crown and pretend to resell it in Tortuna.

This is as abysmal as it gets, and Doc's usual wisecracks are the only thing that gets it going. If anything, the episode shows that Niko looks darn cute when she's smiling.

Mistwalker
	Anthropologist Audra Miles, sent by BETA to study the peaceful aborigines of Beesti Finokhi (REALLY strange looking fellows), suddenly faces an attack by MaCross and the Black Hole Gang, and is lucky that Zach and Zozo visit the planet for a routine inspection. It turns out that it's not the primitive tribe who needs the most help, but rather the rangers themselves, for Finokhi's aggressive environment renders everything mechanical useless in a matter of minutes. Yet, as the wise shaman Mistwalker points out, there are other ways to fight blaster fire. Zach, feeling utterly overpowered by nature, cannot decide whether to trust a flute-swinging giant bird though. Boy, is he going to change his mind. :-)	A very enjoyable, not at all forced eco-parable with its own subtle brand of humor. It's just too much to see how spoiled and blind Zach and Zozo appear compared to a bunch of big squeaking birds. :-) I guess you just gotta see this to really believe it. The story WORKS, in a warped sort of way.

Wildfire
	This is their lucky day: The rangers are stuck in a mine-field with a load of the highly unstable (read: explosive) lithium isotope 25 right under their feet. To make matters worse, they get caught in the middle of an arch rivalry between Virgil Garrett (who has the bigger ship) and Cody "Wildfire" Carson, the kind of lovable scoundrel you only find in books. It seems Cody knows Zach from his academy days, and although the good Captain would rather lock him up and spare himself the embarrassment, they seem to have no other choice but to team up with the wily old desperado.	Don't expect anything ground- shattering, just fun. Plus lots of elbowing between Zach, who's his usual stuck-up self, and Cody, who is one of the characters you look forward to seeing again.

Ghost Station
	A giant alien space station the size of a small moon (does this sound familiar?) is found to be on a direct collision course with earth. As the S5s investigate, they find it completely deserted but for its operational program Spec, which has got a nifty assortment of holograms at its disposal. Before they know it, the team is split up into twos and has to run for their lives in a classic horror movie scenario including a spirit knight, a haunted house, lots of hidden passages and a graveyard. Not to mention that Waldo and Zozo are about to kill each other first.	No need to worry, this one sounds worse than it really is. The episode doesn't take itself too seriously. You should do the same; lean back and enjoy the ride. There are also some great Doc scenes in here.

One Million Emotions

The rangers are assigned guardian duty at an alien art exhibition (much to the lament of Goose, who'd rather shoot things :-). He does get more adventure than he asked for though, when the Poe Mutant Doll is stolen. This device (or maybe lifeform?) has stored myriads of pure emotions, and whoever touches it will go crazy from the experience. The chase leads them to the Martian artist colony New Pigal, where they meet Arizona McGhee, the spryest old lady you'll ever see, and finally to Brappo, who wants the thing for his collection. As they confront him, the doll goes flying. Goose pushes Niko, who instinctively moves to catch it, aside (HINT!), touches it and... miraculously revovers as a changed man.

I simply love this one. Some of the best dialogue and characterization is contained here, and as you can probably guess, it marks a major turning point in Goose's life. This change becomes evident in many of the later episodes if you look for it. Oh, and watch out for a David Bowie reference! :-)

Magnificent Kiwi
	The surviving Gherkins have made a new home on Kirwin, and have even regained the ability to reproduce themselves. When the Queen finds out, she hires the supertrooper Ryker Killbane to destroy the Andorian shield so that her troops can recapture them. The tiny Kiwi farm village finds itself under siege by an overwhelming force, and only the rangers and a very old Gherkin artifact can save them. Plus Killbane and Goose seem to have a very old score to settle. And very similar abilities to boot.	This could have been interesting, but sadly turns into a mostly brainless slugfest. Pity, since the Goose/Killbane connection will become very important later on.

Mindnet
	Killbane, disguised as Goose, breaks into the Longshot research facility and steals one of the Mindnet components, a device that greatly enhances telepathic abilities. Shane now faces serious charges, and to prove his innocence, the rangers go rogue and track Killbane to Sorry End on Tortuna. However, the Queen has planted false images into Niko's head, and they walk straight into a set-up. Yet Niko won't be beaten that easily: while Goose and Killbane fight it out, she decides to let Queenie beat herself with her own weapons.	The brawl near the end is a bit too cliché for my tastes, but then again, you get to see Goose with his shirt off. :-) This contains some serious hints on our two lovebirds, a good story plus lots of background info. In other words: Yay!

Tune-up
	Buzzwang dreams of being a ranger, but BETA has this little problem with robotic law enforcers. When Q-Ball orders little Zach and Buzz to catalogue a shipment of alien devices, Buzzwang gets stuck in a - believe it or not - superrealistic xerox machine, and now has a bunch of juniors calling him daddy. To top the incredulous stupidity of this plot element, the pests are part of a masterplan thought out by mastermind criminal Lazarus Slade, who is after the Andorian hyperdrive. As a final insult to the viewer, Buzzwang saves the day and is granted his wish.	Hey, it could've been worse. They could've thrown in Larry as the cherry on top. You get some grim satisfaction out of it, as Buzz gets almost completely trashed. Take a good look at the crowd in the last sequence for some pretty wild cameos.

Traash
	The rangers encounter a new powerful enemy fleet: the insectoid Traash blow up everything in their path and are heading - you guessed it - straight for Earth. It seems that Captain Kidd of all people is the only one who knows who they are. He's also the one who LED them to BETA in the first place. While the earth prepares for the overpowering onslaught, the rangers try to communicate with the hive with the help of the mindnet device... and a reluctant Captain Kidd.	Whoever designed the Traash remembered that not ALL aliens have humanoid proportions, and that non-human architecture can be likewise asymmetrical. "Traash" sticks in mind as a more realistic first contact story than most Trek episodes.

Space Sorcerer
	The evil magician Mogul, the last of a once powerful evil race (SURPRISE!), holds the cute little cuddly Bazookis captive and forces them to dig for starstones. Now, we can't let that happen, can we? While Goose and Buzz take on the demon guards, Niko and Zach enter Mogul's fortress and have to fight their way through a potpourri of illusions, traps and a scenery that would make H.R. Giger jealous.	If you didn't like the Ewoks in Jedi, you'll hate the Bazookis. You'll hate Larry even more, even if he is far from cute. The creepy castle scenes make up for it though. The background artists did fabulous work here.

Progress
	The dolphins Icarus and Winter receive a telepathic call for help from the aquatic natives of a planet in the empty quarter. The rangers ready themselves for a mission of the wet and dirty kind. An alien factory has polluted the planet with toxic wastes (and I MEAN toxic), not only poisoning the land and water, but blocking out the sun as well. While Niko, Goose and the dolphins go swimming, Zach and Doc take over the "dirty" part of the job - fighting a bunch of defense robots and having a chat with the main computer which seems to be positioned right in one of the waste outlets. Hooray.	"Progress" in itself may have an average storyline, but the breathtaking underwater visuals make it a definite feast for the eye. Well directed and wonderfully detailed, this is one of my all time favorites.

Queen's Lair
	The Queen threatens Earth with one of her planet crushers, a large cannon built on the planet Walkam that draws its power from an artificial proton star. The team joins the badly beaten resistance force and they charge the cannon together to plant an explosive. Things get complicated when one of the group is exposed as a traitor. Through all the commotion, the rangers hardly manage to escape in a half-prepped ship before everything blows up around them. With five minutes of air left.	This otherwise average episode stands out by its realistic portrayal of the rebels, who are driven by pure desperation, and the last sequence, in which the rangers are convinced this will be their last. Sniff.

The Ax
	Gold digger Roy McIntyre and his robodonkey Burro, both old friends of Niko's, stumble upon a 15 million year old alien tomb complex. Indiana Jones and Giant Robo meet Rangers in a lifesized jump and run game when they make the acquaintance of the mean robot watchdog and his weapon of choice - a REALLY large ax. Any questions?	Deadly traps and even more deadly alien mysteries - okay, I can live with that. The anima- tion studio has big trouble with staying on model though. Blech.

Sorry, this is as far as the guide goes at the moment!